Nice Is Not Always Kind
© 2016 GypsyJaguar
Just because someone is nice doesn't mean they're kind. Being nice is having manners, being polite, charming, or helpful. Being kind is having compassion, empathy, and integrity. Learning to spot the difference can help keep you safe from social predators as well as assure that you only have loving, supportive and caring people in your personal circle.
The type of people who seem nice but are not kind are those who put on a facade of niceties in order to gain trust from others for selfish reasons. There are many people out there who use their ability to make others feel special in order to manipulate them. They use this talent to build up someone's self-esteem enough to make them feel indebted to them for helping them reach their true potential. Then, after a while their own true colors are revealed when they start using guilt and social pressures to belittle the people around them into doing what they want.
People like this can seem very nice on the surface. They can appear polite, charming, helpful, and often have impeccable manners. They can come across as very personable, caring, and sweet. They may even be over-accommodating. In some instances, they may be involved in many social, political, or charitable actions; causes that show others that they must be a kind and caring individual. Generally it is all an act to make themselves appear desirable so others will be drawn to them. Their life is actually a lie.
Many people who are ridiculously popular are so because they are good actors. They put up a good front, play at being nice, but some of them will eventually reveal that they are not very kind. They may often agree with whoever they are with at the moment, but then turn around and discredit that same person when they are around others who feel differently. This shows a lack of integrity. They basically lie to people to advance their own motives and intentions. They may be the first to jump on the proverbial bandwagon of whatever point seems the most popular, viciously cutting down anyone else in the opposition.
Popularity isn't necessarily a prerequisite for being manipulative or unkind, though. There are popular people who are indeed kind, just as well as unpopular people who are not. Some social predators keep more to themselves and prey on other people who stand out to them as easy targets. People who make a habit of exploiting other people's weaknesses have a special knack of spotting individuals who are easier to emotionally or mentally control.
You can generally tell who is kind or not by noticing how they treat people they don't like. Kind people will usually be more understanding and compassionate about their opinions of those they are not fond of after their initial anger wears off. They are more likely to feel a sense of responsibility or even guilt about any discretion, feeling they may have been able to do something differently to make things better. People who are not kind will often blame the other person and not be able to see any faults of their own. They will be very unyielding in their criticisms and show no remorse in their hurtful actions.
On the surface it may be difficult to distinguish between who is kind and who is just nice. Always pay attention to your first instincts and natural feelings. If something just feels off about this person, take heed. It may be your subconscious giving you a subtle warning.
If you are already involved with a manipulative or controlling person, it isn't too late to free yourself of them. One of the best ways to deal with people like this is to stand up to them. Let them know they have no power over you. If you feel they may be dangerous to confront in this manner, you may need to find a safe time when you can leave and contact the authorities and an organization who deals with abusive relationships. See "Toxic Relationships" for more information and a list of organizations who can help.
Also see:
Social Savvy - The People Around Us and What They Can Teach Us - Body Language - The Tell-Tale Walk - The Company We Keep - A Bit of Advice - A Matter of Perspective - Being A Good Friend - How To Truly Help Others - Courtesy and Respect - Nice Is Not Always Kind - End the Drama Once and For All - Toxic Relationships
Navigation Menu
Website created by GypsyWolf - all content © 2003-2020.
We make it a point to keep our pages free of distracting and irrelevant advertisements. Any outside links or ads we use are carefully chosen to represent the content of the page and do not make money for us or the pages they lead to. Since our website does not generate income, we rely on generous people, like you, to keep us going. If you have gotten a lot out of our pages and feel you would like to give back in some way, please feel free to donate to our cause by sending a Paypal donation to us at paypal.me/gypsywolfexperience. Thank you so much for your support and interest in what we do!