Toxic Relationships
© 2015 GypsyJaguar
A toxic relationship is a relationship that, over time, ends up causing a great deal of emotional, mental, or physical stress. Whether a friend, acquaintance, coworker, or family member, it is never healthy to be around anybody who makes us continually feel sad, frustrated, confused, incompetent, abused, exhausted, or physically ill.
Every relationship is going to have it's ups and downs. We all go through phases where we are feeling more depressed, needy, frustrated, or angry, and other times where we are more upbeat, happy, or self-assured. But, aside from a few issues and occasional outbursts, most people generally have control over their emotional reactions enough to where they are not regularly causing others around them to be adversely affected by them.
There may be occasions when we or somebody we love may go through a difficult period of time. It could be caused by a loss, break-up, physical trauma, death, or any other number of experiences. Situations like these can understandably cause a lot of stress, confusion, and unbalanced emotions. We want to be there for support and comfort for our friends and loved-ones at these times. But, we need to realize there is a limit to how much each person can handle on their own. There may be a point where a trained counselor or therapist may be more beneficial for some individuals and their circumstances.
When there is an individual that is regularly losing control of their emotions to the point where they are constantly yelling, arguing, hitting, bullying, complaining, whining, crying, or otherwise creating disturbances to those around them, this can cause a lot of stress to anybody exposed to this behavior. If somebody is this distressed on a regular basis, they need to seek help from a professional that has extensive knowledge, training and experience in helping people address and work through their problems.
It is not healthy for anybody to be around people that cause a great deal of emotional trauma, put us into dangerous situations, cause us physical harm, force their views or beliefs onto us, or otherwise abuse us. This behavior is inexcusable, and nobody ever deserves to be treated this way.
The reason that behaviors such as these end up creating toxic relationships, is because one of the parties is generally asking too much from the other, whether it be their attention, time, help, tolerance, or energy. We need to know where to draw the line with others on what kind of behavior and treatment we are willing and not willing to accept from them. If you find that you are repeatedly having to enforce your boundaries with somebody and they are obviously not respecting your wishes or needs, it may be time for you to initiate some space between the two of you.
Being true to yourself is occasionally going to have it's challenges. Sometimes you'll have to say "No," "I don't agree," "Do not treat me that way," or "I feel it's time for us to part company." It may, at times, be important to say these things in order to enforce our personal boundaries. This is showing respect for ourselves and what we do or do not stand for.
Staying in a toxic relationship can eventually be detrimental to your health and well-being. If you have to stay in contact with a toxic person because they are a close family member, be sure to have a strong support system around you and seek help when you need it. You don't have to deal with things all on your own. If there is no one close to you who can help, take advantage of any local and state-wide organizations in your area. Seek professional help for dealing with troubled family members, and be sure to utilize support groups and emotional counseling for yourself, as well.
If the toxic person around you is a coworker, boss, or other business associate, be sure to keep your distance whenever possible. When you do need to be around them, be sure to continue to enforce your boundaries whenever necessary. If they continue to disrespect you, start keeping a log of everything they say and do, with times, dates, and locations recorded. Save any emails, memos, or other written correspondences that show their treatment of you, as well. Report them to any supervisors or appropriate authority figures, if their behavior continues.
If you find yourself in a situation where you are severely affected by someone's disrespectful, harmful, or abusive behavior, you need to do everything you can to get away from this person and cut any ties between you. The more unsafe you feel, the more crucial it is that you get away sooner rather than later.
If you are worried that you've gone beyond the point of no return, be assured that it really isn't too late to get out of any unhealthy, toxic, or dangerous relationship. You just may need some extra help. If you are in an abusive or volatile relationship of any kind, and feel scared about leaving, know there are organizations out there who can help you. Be sure to call the police for help as well. You are not alone. You deserve to be treated with respect and love. Do not let anyone ever tell you otherwise.
See the resources below for help.
National Institute of Mental Health: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/index.shtml
Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men & Women: dahmw.org 888-743-5754 (888-7HELPLINE)
National Child Abuse Hotline: childhelp.org 800-422-4453
National Runaway Safeline: 1800runaway.org 800-786-2929
Workplace Bullying Institute: http://www.workplacebullying.org/
National Organization for Victim Assistance: trynova.org
National Resource Center on Domestic Violence: nrcdv.org 800-799-7233
Futures without Violence: futureswithoutviolence.org
A Guide to Domestic Violence and Getting Help: a-guide-to-domestic-violence-and-getting-help
National Child Abuse Hotline: childhelp.org 800-422-4453
National Runaway Safeline: 1800runaway.org 800-786-2929
Workplace Bullying Institute: http://www.workplacebullying.org/
National Organization for Victim Assistance: trynova.org
National Resource Center on Domestic Violence: nrcdv.org 800-799-7233
Futures without Violence: futureswithoutviolence.org
A Guide to Domestic Violence and Getting Help: a-guide-to-domestic-violence-and-getting-help
Also see:
Social Savvy - The People Around Us and What They Can Teach Us - Body Language - The Tell-Tale Walk - The Company We Keep - A Bit of Advice - A Matter of Perspective - Being A Good Friend - How To Truly Help Others - Courtesy and Respect - Nice Is Not Always Kind - End the Drama Once and For All - Toxic Relationships
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