This page includes the following articles about coping with grief:
The Grief Process by GypsyJaguar
Coping with Grief by Rita "RedDove"
Easing Grief by GypsyJaguar
Grief and Pets by GypsyJaguar
and the poem The Rainbow Bridge
The Grief Process by GypsyJaguar
Coping with Grief by Rita "RedDove"
Easing Grief by GypsyJaguar
Grief and Pets by GypsyJaguar
and the poem The Rainbow Bridge
The Grief Process
© 2011 GypsyJaguar
When one loses a loved-one, there are several emotions, feelings or frames of mind that one goes through. The entire process of grieving may very well last for several years. It is not a process that should be rushed, ignored or not dealt with. It is a necessary cleansing, understanding and healing progression that needs to be undergone. It is impossible to understand what someone is going through, even if you have also lost a loved-one. It doesn't matter even if it is the same person who has passed, or two siblings going through a parental loss, or parents going through the loss of a child, for example. The grieving process affects everyone differently, mostly depending on the relationship one had with the person who has passed.
Very often, the first emotion that is felt or expressed, is DENIAL. This is part of being in shock. One can not come to grips with the fact that their loved-one is no longer on this earth plane. They feel that it can not be real....there must be some sort of mistake. This is very normal.
Another emotion one goes through is ANGER. They feel angry that their time together has been cut short, or angry at another for talking about it, angry at people not giving them their time to grieve, or not understanding what they're going through, or any other form of anger. It could be triggered by the most innocent or well-meaning comments or gestures. This is just a way of them releasing some of their frustrations and pain about their loss. This is also quite normal.
Commonly, accompanied by anger, or on it's own, there is a period of expressions of GUILT. There is an overwhelming feeling of blaming somebody, whether it be oneself, the person who has passed or others around them. There is much emotional and spiritual pain that is experienced by those grieving. These feelings can be expressed in so many ways. Sometimes the person may feel like screaming at the top of their lungs, and the main word screamed would be "Why?" There are a lot of questions that come up at this time. A lot of need for figuring, reasoning, what-if's. "Maybe if I had done this or that, this would not have happened, or I could have helped them avoid it, or maybe I should have loved them more, or spent more time with them..." All of these questions and ponderings are quite common when it comes to grieving.
The most prolonged state of mind one usually is in, is depression. DEPRESSION is connected with all of the other emotions listed above. It is a state of feeling dragged down, tired, lacking motivation. It is the feeling of not wanting to be connected with anything. It is a need to be alone. Often, well-meaning friends, loved-ones and acquaintances will try to force people who are grieving into participating in social interaction. Although their heart is in the right place, it usually isn't the right time. There really needs to be proper grieving time. Only the one grieving will know when that time frame is complete.
It takes years to go through these processes. There may be some that last longer than others. There may be switching back and forth between emotions, as well as a combination of them together. When there are more than one loved-ones who have passed, these grieving processes are mixed together or compounded. This may also cause more grieving time.
There are varying beliefs in Native American lore, which suggests that, essentially, it is up to the grieving one to decide how long they are to grieve. No one else interferes. They are left to themselves and allowed to process and release any emotions they feel, in any way the feel they need to do so. It isn't unusual for this process to last several years. And that is dealing with grief in a healthy manner. Those who have never been able to deal with or successfully process their feelings, the stages of grief can be indefinite. The key is not to push our feelings aside, it is to experience them and evolve through them. We need to allow them to go through us. We need to feel them and deal with them...express them.
The key to being able to deal with grief is to realize that our souls live on. Our loved-ones who have passed are still around us, helping us, crying with us, laughing with us, loving us, encouraging us. Those times when we feel like they are there, with us...they really are! Times when we feel like we can just hear their voice...if we opened our hearts and let the voice in, we would hear them as clear as day. We need to trust...believe...allow. Our relationship with our loved-ones should not end. Energy, thoughts and people never die, they only change form. Our loved ones are still around, just not physically. We can still talk with them, include them in our lives and share and express love with them. It sounds easy, but may be a very hard thing to do, because many of us are conditioned to believe it's wrong, bad or unnatural. But, it is the most natural thing in the universe.
We asked our friend, Rita, to write an article for us to share with people who are dealing with any type of grief issues. Rita has written about this subject before and has helped many individuals understand more about themselves and how they fit into the world around them. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us Rita! We Love You!
Coping with Grief
written by Rita "RedDove" © 2009
Grief – the natural fear and consequence of loving someone or something and losing them. Humankind as well as animals experience grief upon loss. Many events can prompt grief. Divorce, separation, break ups often have the same effects. It is very difficult to let go of one who no longer needs or wants to be in our lives. I have found the best way to recover from this type of loss is to realize the person who is no longer a part of our lives had either a life lesson to teach us or to learn for themselves. Remember it is the soul who knows what each person in our lives serve. It may not make sense to us but the soul knows.
To draw on a personal note, I was once a very dependent person, emotionally needy, etc. I married a man who on the surface seemed ideal to meet my needs. However, he was about as involved in my life and feelings as a perfect stranger. In fact, strangers paid me more attention. This is a good example of how my soul knew what I needed most. It wasn’t even close to what I imagined I needed. Upon reflection of my theory of “starving out what I didn’t want and feeding what I needed”, I realized his emotional absence from our marriage had yielded me many benefits. I had learned to take care of my own needs, emotionally, financially and learned all the things I needed to be on my own. I also learned to forgive by refusing to speak of him in a negative way. Dwelling on the “wrong” done to us only binds us tighter to the one who has left. Our goal is to heal and get on with our lives and allow the absent one to live their life as he/she may chose. He was an excellent carpenter and I probably repeated that about 1,000 times before the anger and hurt left me. It took a bit of practice but it worked. However, at the top of the list in losses the most difficult one is the death of a loved one. Your perception of physical death will determine how long you grieve and to what degree you grieve.
I will share with you my perception of what I call “Life, Death, Life”. I believe before we ever enter this world as a human we existed as souls. I believe once we take upon ourselves the human body we are yet souls. We know before we become humankind what purpose we are to serve, what lessons we are to learn/teach and even the type of body and personality we will have to achieve our purpose. We chose the parents who are to tend us while we dwell here on earth as well. There are no “accidents”. If we are here we were meant to be here. Some highly evolved souls accomplish their purpose in a short period of time. Hence, the young, the impaired may die before we think it was their time to die. The soul knows exactly when it is to return to that place from where it came.
Does knowing or accepting that perception make it any easier to part physically with a loved one? For me it does. For others the loss of a loved one may promote bitterness or resentment. Taking the route of bitterness will only prolong the grieving process.
After Life – does it exist? I believe it does but I would not term it “after life”. From my spiritual point of view, the soul as we knew it still exists so it would be Life after Death. Death is not final.
Physical contact with the death of our loved ones is lost to us. However, I believe the spiritual connection remains. The energy or essence of our loved one is available. We may not always recognize their presence but I know from personal experience they are with us always. Once physical death has occurred our loved ones do not miss us as we do them. The soul who has gone on knows the physical life/death is only temporal.
We do not have to say “goodbye”. We can say “see you later”.
written by Rita (aka Reddove) © 2009
Easing Grief
© 2011 GypsyJaguar
Grief hits us most when there is unfinished business between ourselves and the loved one who has left, whether it be from a death, a divorce, or a severed friendship. Sometimes, all that we wished we had done or said was to show or verbalize a simple gesture of love, gratitude, understanding, or appreciation. Words like 'I'm sorry', 'Thank you', 'I love you', or 'I appreciate you' can make all the difference in the world. At times it may take a little more to work through an issue you each may have had. But, usually all that's needed are those few, small words or deeds that mean a great deal.
If your loved-one has passed, it's not too late to communicate with them. You can still say those things you've always wanted to. You can speak with them just like they are still here. Just think of them and express how you feel. Say whatever you want them to know. They will hear you and feel your emotions. They may have a harder time responding to you in a way you will notice, but they will find a way to get the message to you that they heard you. The easiest way for them to connect with you, in a way that you will pay attention to, is in your dreams.
Generally, when a person crosses over, they enter a place of being where their soul comes to a greater understanding of how things work, and why. They see that everything happens for a reason, contributing to a higher pattern. They come to a realization that allows them to view events and interactions in their life with more compassion and understanding. They forgive you for any misunderstandings. They can forgive themselves and find their peace, as well. If they have not crossed over yet, working through issues with them in spirit may be the exact thing they need to be able and willing to go to the light.
Take things slow and be gentle with yourself. Talk about your experiences and feelings with someone you trust or write everything down in a private journal. The goal is to get your feelings out and consciously deal with them.
Working through issues with friends and family who are still living can greatly aid in easing the effects of grief, as well. If you have an argument with someone, talk it through and smooth things over as soon as possible. Do not leave an argument with those negative emotions open. Heal the wounds and cleanse the spirit as soon as you can. If the person you are arguing with will not compromise with you, step back and look at the problem from another viewpoint. Perhaps you are arguing about completely different things. Remember that most arguments are caused by miscommunication or a misunderstanding.
Keep in touch with and communicate openly with those in your life who mean a lot to you. Spend time with them. Show them you care. Let them know that what they say or do means something to you. If there is something you have always wanted to tell someone, tell them now. Life is too short and too precious to be spent in sadness, regret, or fear when there is so much love, beauty, and joy to be a part of. You deserve to be happy and have peace in your heart. That's all your loved-ones would truly want for you after all.
Grief and Pets
© 2011 GypsyJaguar
For many people, our pets are seen as another member of the family, like a child, or a sibling. When we lose a pet, it can be just as painful as losing a beloved family member. After all, our pets have shared many experiences with us, are by our side through thick and thin, and always love us unconditionally.
We may go through the same series of emotions, when we lose a pet or animal friend, as we would a dear human friend or family member. We must remember to be gentle with ourselves, and allow ourselves to journey through these emotions, and acknowledge them, as we would with any other loss.
Animals have souls, just like we do. For those who have passed on, be assured that they will be on the other side to greet you when your time has come. All of the animals who have touched your life will be there. You can also communicate with their spirit, just like we do with humans.
Below is a heart-warming poem that has helped many people through their time of grief, mourning the loss of a beloved pet. We hope it can give you some comfort in your time of need, as well.
The Rainbow Bridge
Author unknown
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal who has been especially close to someone dies, that pet goes to the Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food and water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
Animals who were ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them from days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one thing: they miss someone very special to them; the person they left behind.
All of the animals run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; his eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to break away from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. Happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together…
~Click the link below for a video version of The Rainbow Bridge~
http://www.indigo.org/rainbowbridge_ver2.html
Also see:
Emotional Healing - Dealing With Issues - Coping with Grief - Why Bad Things Happen to Good People - Releasing Anger - Forgiveness - Acceptance - Facing Your Fears - True Strength - Rediscovering Yourself - A Feel-Good Project - Finding Your True Love
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