End the Drama Once and For All
© GypsyJaguar 2018
It's completely natural for people to talk about what is happening in the lives of those around them. They like to discuss how and what others have been doing, with speculations of how and why someone's particular situation or decision came to be. In many cases, people are genuinely concerned about what is going on. They may have their own opinions on how they feel about things, or what they may have done differently, but they generally mean well and wish the best for those involved.
For the most part, people are just curious and want something to talk about. But, when the stories of what people assume has happened get contorted out of shape and spread throughout the community, it can cause a great deal of distress to those involved. This is especially so when the situation is of a private nature. People love their "juicy gossip"; anything that is controversial and usually none of anyone else's business. These are often the catalysts for drama to ensue.
There are some people out there who love creating chaos in other people's lives. It gives them a source of excitement and entertainment, like living in their very own soap opera or reality show. Perhaps they are insecure or lacking something in their own lives and need to stir up trouble for others to give themselves a feeling of superiority or some semblance of control. Whatever the case may be, they show more interest in criticizing other people's lives than trying to improve their own.
At first, getting caught up in drama can seem empowering, as it gives one a personal cause to put their energy into; providing an outlet to vent about social frustrations and an opportunity to express deep-rooted feelings in an impassioned way. But, when you get to the point where you constantly feel the need to defend your life choices or beliefs, you begin to feel like a magnet for drama, continually surrounded with a backlash of gossip, criticism and judgments. You end up feeling like you've lost control and your life is not your own anymore. And, that's exactly what has happened. You have unknowingly relinquished your power to those who've challenged you. Now it's time to take it back.
When you are ready to end the drama once and for all, the key is to stop participating. Stop reacting. Stop responding. Stop lashing back. Anybody who would attack your character is usually hoping to get a rise out of you. So, when they see you get all worked-up and angry, they have accomplished their goal. Don't give them that satisfaction. I'm not saying you should ignore how you feel and never stand up for yourself, but you don't need to be on a constant defense and you don't have to let everyone know how you feel about every little thing. Choose your battles and your confidants wisely. Stand up for yourself when it's really important or will make a big difference. People are always going to talk about you no matter what you do. You can't control what they say or think. Let them think what they want. You only need to be in control of yourself. And you can do that by controlling how you respond to others.
If you feel you need to defend yourself, you can do so without counter-attacking your opposition. Just state the facts of the matter and your feelings on it. If someone's still giving you grief about it, then they are the one with the issues. You really don't owe anyone any explanations anyway. Unless you are some sort of danger to yourself or others, your life and your decisions are nobody else's business but your own.
If you have unwillingly gotten in the middle of someone else's drama you can get out of it the same way. Just stop participating. If others are trying to pull you into their problems with someone else, just tell them you do not wish to get involved. This is usually the best response when two friends try to pit you against each other. Sure, you may lose one or both friends in the process, but if those friends don't respect your decision to not get involved and let them work out their issues on their own, then maybe they aren't the ideal friends for you after all. Good friends would not wish to put you in such a situation.
One of the ways you can avoid drama is to stop talking about your issues with other people. Refrain from complaining. If you have a problem with someone talk to them about it directly. Keep it between the two of you. If a disagreement starts in public do what you can to move it to a more private location. If they insist on arguing in public, just walk away. You're not going to get your point across to someone who can't even pause long enough to have a calm and respectful discussion about their issues in a more intimate environment. By disengaging and leaving the situation, you are standing up for yourself and respecting your own personal boundaries. Be assured that this is a show of strength that you are confident enough in yourself to not allow someone else to treat you with disrespect.
If you have been refraining from participating for some time and you continue to have problems with someone badgering you about your choices or circumstances you may have a harassment problem on your hands and may need to start keeping records of your interactions with them. Save every text message, voice-mail, and email. Take screen-shots of any social networking conversations and the like. Record times, dates and locations of any conversations and interactions. These are your proof of what has occurred if you ever need to file a formal harassment complaint.
Ending the cycle of drama will take time and a lot of patience. You may have to deal with more situations before you come to any noticeable results. These are often opportunities for you to learn more about true strength, self-control, and enforcing your personal boundaries. Once you are able to avert your focus away from being concerned about what other people think and build the confidence to stand up for yourself with honor and respect, you will have learned a valuable lesson and come through the other side of this challenging issue. Be patient with yourself and know that each challenge you overcome is bringing you closer to the inner peace you are seeking.
Bullying, Harassment, Stalking & Abuse Resources can be found at: victimconnect.org/
or by calling 855-4-VICTIM (855-484-2846) from 8:30am – 7:30pm.
or by calling 855-4-VICTIM (855-484-2846) from 8:30am – 7:30pm.
Also see:
Social Savvy - The People Around Us and What They Can Teach Us - Body Language - The Tell-Tale Walk - The Company We Keep - A Bit of Advice - A Matter of Perspective - Being A Good Friend - How To Truly Help Others - Courtesy and Respect - Nice Is Not Always Kind - End the Drama Once and For All - Toxic Relationships
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