How to Truly Help Others
© 2012 GypsyJaguar
Everyone needs help once in a while, whether it be some good advice, well-deserved praise, a helping hand or a sympathetic ear. Sometimes some of us may need a little help getting back on our feet after a rough time. Whatever the circumstances may be, we essentially need support figuring out our own ways that we can ultimately help ourselves.
If someone needs money, food or shelter, we can lend them money, food or a spot in our home to stay for a certain amount of time, if we have the means to do so, but we really need to help them figure out how they can eventually provide these things for themselves. If we are continually coming to the aid of the same person for long periods of time, then we are, in effect, enabling them by encouraging them to rely on someone else to take care of their own needs.
Helping others does not mean doing it for them. It's the same concept as helping a child with their homework. We help them figure it out themselves by asking them questions and discussing possible options and concepts that lead them to figuring out how to find the answer in their own mind. The proper way to teach a child is to teach them not what to learn, but how to learn.
If someone needs money, food or shelter, we can lend them money, food or a spot in our home to stay for a certain amount of time, if we have the means to do so, but we really need to help them figure out how they can eventually provide these things for themselves. If we are continually coming to the aid of the same person for long periods of time, then we are, in effect, enabling them by encouraging them to rely on someone else to take care of their own needs.
Helping others does not mean doing it for them. It's the same concept as helping a child with their homework. We help them figure it out themselves by asking them questions and discussing possible options and concepts that lead them to figuring out how to find the answer in their own mind. The proper way to teach a child is to teach them not what to learn, but how to learn.
Discuss options and possibilities which lead to solutions to one's problems, but allow them to come to their own conclusions. Telling them what to do is, in essence, making their decisions for them. In order to be independent, we each need to make our own choices.
Sometimes we may see others make choices that we think are wrong, but something we see as a bad choice, may be the choice that person needed to make in order to learn something valuable.
We all need to make some seemingly wrong choices to eventually get to the understanding, in our own minds, of how our decisions and actions affect the patterns in our lives. Mistakes and bad choices are our divine opportunities to learn great lessons to aid us in our future decisions. Focusing on things in the future that can be worked on as opposed to dwelling on things from the past that cannot be changed is much more beneficial.
Keeping a healthy balance within ourselves is essential to helping others. When we are in an unbalanced state of mind we will end up giving others unbalanced advice. Our issues and judgments will cloud our perceptions and reasoning. If someone asks us for advice on relationships and we have a lot of past issues dealing with our own relationships, then those issues will be reflected in the advice we give them. We have to deal with our own issues and learn our lessons presented to us in order to be in the proper frame of mind to help others.
Sometimes we may see others make choices that we think are wrong, but something we see as a bad choice, may be the choice that person needed to make in order to learn something valuable.
We all need to make some seemingly wrong choices to eventually get to the understanding, in our own minds, of how our decisions and actions affect the patterns in our lives. Mistakes and bad choices are our divine opportunities to learn great lessons to aid us in our future decisions. Focusing on things in the future that can be worked on as opposed to dwelling on things from the past that cannot be changed is much more beneficial.
Keeping a healthy balance within ourselves is essential to helping others. When we are in an unbalanced state of mind we will end up giving others unbalanced advice. Our issues and judgments will cloud our perceptions and reasoning. If someone asks us for advice on relationships and we have a lot of past issues dealing with our own relationships, then those issues will be reflected in the advice we give them. We have to deal with our own issues and learn our lessons presented to us in order to be in the proper frame of mind to help others.
It's important to take care of our own needs first so that we can be of better service to others. If we are stressed, ill, overly emotional or exhausted, then we are not going to be of much help to others. Giving too much of ourselves without taking care of our own needs first is inherently trading our own well-being in return for someone else's. Although that may sound noble on the surface, it generally results in feelings of resentment. This is especially so when we do not get the proper acknowledgment or appreciation for the sacrifice we have made.
When we have taken care of ourselves properly it leaves us with a feeling of fulfillment. This allows us to feel whole enough to want to share a part of ourselves freely without feeling like we are taking away from ourselves. This enables us to contribute out of love, because it is something that we enjoy or feel inspired to do, regardless of any acknowledgment for doing so. We in turn feel privileged to even have the opportunity. That is what the concept of "selfless service" is all about.
If we are feeling like we are being taken advantage of, we need to step back and take a broader look at what's going on. It may be that we are helping others beyond our own capabilities. Perhaps we are spreading ourselves too thin or taking on too much at once. We must be sure to keep things in balance and do things in moderation.
Some people don't want to be helped out of their problems. They may be so used to having others come to their aid that they have made a lifestyle of it and continually expect it. Some may not even realize what they are doing. Either way, it's important to assert your own boundaries when it comes to helping others.
When we have taken care of ourselves properly it leaves us with a feeling of fulfillment. This allows us to feel whole enough to want to share a part of ourselves freely without feeling like we are taking away from ourselves. This enables us to contribute out of love, because it is something that we enjoy or feel inspired to do, regardless of any acknowledgment for doing so. We in turn feel privileged to even have the opportunity. That is what the concept of "selfless service" is all about.
If we are feeling like we are being taken advantage of, we need to step back and take a broader look at what's going on. It may be that we are helping others beyond our own capabilities. Perhaps we are spreading ourselves too thin or taking on too much at once. We must be sure to keep things in balance and do things in moderation.
Some people don't want to be helped out of their problems. They may be so used to having others come to their aid that they have made a lifestyle of it and continually expect it. Some may not even realize what they are doing. Either way, it's important to assert your own boundaries when it comes to helping others.
When we try to help or give advice to others who are not ready to accept it, they may put up barriers and fight against any logic that we present to them. Sometimes some people are looking more for sympathy than they are for any help. Some may just want us to take a side on the issue at hand, instead of trying to help them find a solution to it.
Every experience and event throughout all of our lives happens in cycles. There are proper times to work on problems and specific times when we are apt to be more open to accepting help or advice. Being open to the natural cycles in our lives will aid us in knowing the ideal moments to break through walls and get to the root of any problems.
Taking care of our own needs, being aware of how we are supporting others and asserting our personal boundaries will aid us in helping others more successfully. Allow people to make mistakes without condemnation and guide them gently to their own realizations. Focus on the future and positive reinforcement. Recognizing who is truly seeking help as opposed to those who may just be looking for pity, a convenient handout or someone else to take care of them will become easier to determine with balance and experience. Remember, we are all learning and growing together. If we support each other in reaching our goals and striving to be successful individuals through our own powers, we all end up coming out on top in the end.
Every experience and event throughout all of our lives happens in cycles. There are proper times to work on problems and specific times when we are apt to be more open to accepting help or advice. Being open to the natural cycles in our lives will aid us in knowing the ideal moments to break through walls and get to the root of any problems.
Taking care of our own needs, being aware of how we are supporting others and asserting our personal boundaries will aid us in helping others more successfully. Allow people to make mistakes without condemnation and guide them gently to their own realizations. Focus on the future and positive reinforcement. Recognizing who is truly seeking help as opposed to those who may just be looking for pity, a convenient handout or someone else to take care of them will become easier to determine with balance and experience. Remember, we are all learning and growing together. If we support each other in reaching our goals and striving to be successful individuals through our own powers, we all end up coming out on top in the end.
Also see:
Social Savvy - The People Around Us and What They Can Teach Us - Body Language - The Tell-Tale Walk - The Company We Keep - A Bit of Advice - A Matter of Perspective - Being A Good Friend - How To Truly Help Others - Courtesy and Respect - Nice Is Not Always Kind - End the Drama Once and For All - Toxic Relationships
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